Recognizing Personality Types and Safeguarding Your Boundaries In Relationships.

Why is it so important to uphold boundaries in your relationships? Without parameters, we open ourselves up to abuse of power.

“Healthy boundaries encourage us to be like a solid rock in the vast ocean. The waves come crashing at the rock, yet merely bounce back to sea, failing to break or erode the strength of our being. Without this strength, the sense of self eventually erodes, as we are pushed around from pillar to post, eventually irretrievably broken down into grains of sand, and left with no sense of self or knowing of who and what we are.” Lisa Precious

Am I Selfish?
You are still a kind, loving human for asserting your boundaries. In fact, by showing where your parameters lie, people will think even more highly of you. People see your boundaries as a strength of character.

How To Detect A Controller
How do you detect someone who is attempting to break down your boundaries?

Usually, the individual will begin to subtly criticize your actions and beliefs.

As time progresses, their words and actions may start to be inappropriate. They will expect you to abandon all your boundaries to please them. The controller could be a friend, partner, family member, boss, or co-worker.

Beware, when you call them out on their actions; observe over-the-top outbursts of emotion, gathering sympathy and support from other family members, friends, or co-workers, and using these tactics to guilt trip you into abandoning your boundaries.

Often, those who seek to control or abuse their power over you will also control how others view you.

The mass media are masters at this. Watch how easily they divide people and opinions based on their mind-control programming.

Letting Down Our Boundaries
If we allow one parameter fence to come down, now the gate is open for all fences to fall. Those with ill intent in a relationship will see this as a weakness. It is much harder to build ourselves back up after being broken than if we had firm boundaries initially.

We all want to foster loving relationships, remember trust and respect have to be earned over time.

Change Yourself
Attempting to change others who have disrespected your boundaries is not as effective as changing yourself. Be willing to assert the things that feel important to you; in doing this, you will be very hard to manipulate. With experience, we can learn to see and hear intentions through words and actions. Remain flexible, yet firm in the things that are important to you.

The False Promises
They never show up, phone or deliver on what they say they will. This character consistently disrespects you by showing up late or not showing up at all, yet always with a brilliant and plausible excuse.

I value time, and after three chances I no longer bother with the person who won’t respect mine -Times Up.

The mirror
Clever manipulators are masters at mimicking and mirroring. We naturally enjoy connecting with someone who shares our values, interests, and beliefs.

Mirror characters will initially appear genuinely fascinated and mirror everything about us. It is all very flattering, and the mirror knows it. These relationships are often whirlwind and disastrous.

Look out for early subtle signs like inappropriate angry comments, inaction, and little put-downs.

Our gut instincts will probably tell us something is wrong as their façade starts crumbling and their true character is finally revealed- Learn from the experience.

The Holy Manipulator
The holier-than-thou spiritual masters are well-versed in biblical and spiritual knowledge. Beware the spiritual manipulators, who are quite possibly the most dangerous. They use Bible verses to manipulate you to suit their personal needs or cause. Spiritual manipulators slowly erode your sense of self, forcing their views upon you.

The spiritual manipulator is fully aware of the nature of people’s needs and sense of belonging to something good. Step back, and observe before joining any organization that says,“ You can’t be saved” unless you join them.

There are many fantastic spiritually-led organizations; perhaps the most potentially deceptive is spiritual manipulation- The devil comes as an angel of light.

The Narcissist
The narcissist is unable to feel empathy; they are all about self-service. Loving the limelight and often highly charismatic, they have an inflated ego and false sense of self-importance. Deep down they know they feel inadequate, yet never let their mask slip.

This character will naturally attract the empath, who they can easily manipulate and abuse. They usually rise to positions of power, and they stop at nothing to get to where they want to be.

The narcissist will never look at themselves or take responsibility for any of the disasters they cause, always deflecting blame onto others. They are masters at playing the victim in the chaos they created.

Adept at charming you into telling them everything about yourself, then at a later date using the information gleaned as their preferred weapon of choice against you.

Narcissists seep into your friendship circles and will artfully turn your friends against you. Pay attention as they express concern for your mental state as they begin slowly stealing everything you hold dear. Narcissists have to control everything, including how others see you- Best avoided.

The Twisted Lover
“You would do it if you loved me”

Respect never asks you to do anything that crosses your boundaries.

Beware the twisted lover who wants you to show how much you love them by letting down your sexual boundaries to feed their twisted fantasy. Firmly let them know love would not ask you to abandon your moral compass -Another No, No.

The Nice Boundary Pusher
Sometimes, people unknowingly keep pushing their stuff onto us because we need to find the courage to quit saying yes to everything that is being asked of us. In a bid to please others, we can quickly feel overwhelmed, failing to recognize our needs, wants, and desires. Recognize when to decline a request. The nice boundary pusher will likely apologize and respect your decisions- A keeper.

What Healthy Relationships Look Like

Love you for who you are and respect your boundaries.
Base the relationship on equal value, mutual trust, and respect.
Value and respect differing views and unique perspectives.
Never force you into groupthink or herd mentality.
Healthy relationships want each other to succeed and make mutually beneficial decisions.
Love is unconditional, and not based upon compliance.
You feel you can be yourself around this person.
You run into time for each other, special relationships deserve nurturing care and attention.