Not being born from love sometimes makes us unaware of Love’s value and presence when it visits. By Annelise Lords
Millions of humans on this planet weren’t born from love. Millions more are coming into a cruel world without that bbbeeeaaauuutttiiifffuuulll gift daily. Somehow, love will find all of us.
Not being born from love sometimes makes us unaware of Love’s value and presence when it visits. That continues a life of pain that goes on for generations. Someone must be strong and aware to break that cycle of an unloved life and living.
A life without kindness and love isn’t worth living. –Annelise Lords
I broke the cycle for my generation.
I was one of the lucky ones to understand the difference between cruelty and kindness at an abnormal age. I was still a child when I realized that kindness warms my heart, while cruelty tears it apart.
I wanted a warm heart. That would keep me safe and alive. Cruelty couldn’t.
As I grew, I got to witness the consequences and outcomes of both.
I choose kindness, with the understanding that cruelty must be a part of life and I have a choice.
You will get kindness from me, but I walk away instead of being cruel.
Life showed me that by walking away, many will think my actions are insensitive
I must save myself. If that’s all I give to cruelty, I can live with myself. By saving myself, I can continue being generous in a brutal world where many humans want kindness, but many refuse to give.
I am okay with that too.
I believe that there are many people out there that I am supposed to help, that I haven’t met yet. Saving me, I can help others.
I started by being and doing the opposite of what my mother did to me, my father, and my siblings.
Her cruelty had no boundaries and I looked like my father and never hid my love for him. He broke her heart and I and one of my sisters that looked like him paid for all the wrong things he did to her.
I had to make adult decisions at fourteen years old for myself. I entered the world before life was ready for me. For all her cruelty, I couldn’t resent her. I hate what she did to me, but I didn’t understand that a mother shouldn’t be this wicked to her children.
She knew I had a soft heart and was kind and she took advantage of me every opportunity she got. She would come every day and take all I have until nothing is left.
It was when I hit the edge and saw what the bottom of the pit looked like. I was forced to make a painful decision no child should be forced to make.
It was her or me.
I had to stop her. I had to choose me. It was then I began to resent her.
Mostly for what she did.
How could a mother steal from her child? How could a mother want to destroy her child’s life? I knew I looked like my father, and he fled to save his life. But did she hate him so much that she would destroy me, thinking it was him?
The things she did to us as children and when we became adults, just don’t seem normal, right, or ethical.
My heart forced me to give, sacrificing myself and my family until I couldn’t anymore.
Her death was a relief. Gosh, this hurts to say.
No child should have to say this. But the pain ends with her death. I couldn’t grieve for her, because there was no love inside of me for her.
Can you grieve in the absence of love?
It was when I realized that I owed her. Not only for the gift of life but for giving me a reason to be a better mother than she was.
Being thrown out into a cruel world before my time, life taught me many things. It showed me the consequences of her life actions, choices, and decisions. I witnessed how life paid her back for most of what she did to us and others. My world hides nothing from us. We get to see live, directly and in real-time, how life played out for many humans around us. Their lives became examples.
The outcome of my mother’s life became an example for me.
I was sensible enough to realize that if I imitated her decisions, I would achieve the same results.
Thanks to her cruelty and thoughtlessness, I learn to make better decisions with my life and children: better decisions, better life, better living.
Her bad decisions, and witnessing her payback, gave me the power, reason, how and why to be better.
That reality helped to remove all resentment from my heart. I stopped the cycle she started, with her help. That made it easier for me to forgive her too.
Being aware of life and what was going on was the tool I used. Awareness is a powerful tool. It can be used to save lives.
I can’t say I loved her, but I thank her for life and for being cruel to me. I thank her for helping me not to be like her and do the things she did. She saved my life and generation, unaware.
For 2024, use awareness as a tool and help save yourself and others by giving back good deeds, intentions, thoughts, ideas, etc for the bad you get.
This is the heart you will give to our world when you return positivity for the negativity and pain humanity shares. You will improve our world, lives, and the living of others. You will make a difference.
Merry Christmas Everyone.
Thank you, Lisa Precious - Smiley Blue for giving me another chance to heal myself. Hopefully, I can inspire YOU!
This writing piece was provided to Smiley Blue with the kind permission of Annelise Lords. All Copyright belongs to the Author.
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