"Sometimes, the place that should have loved us first—family—is the place we first learned to abandon who we really are." Lisa Precious

When Family Turns Its Back

When the place we once called home—our family—rejects us, the pain cuts deeply. It’s disorienting when everything that once gave your life structure has vanished. You’re left in the dark, trying to find a way to rebuild yourself with no sense of direction. Yet, it's always in the dark that we search for the specks of light to find meaning to our situations.

And it’s not just families. Scapegoating shows up in religious or cult-like spaces, in communities, workplaces, and even society as a whole. You start to wonder, why me?

For some of us, the path forward takes a massive leap of faith.

A Higher Perspective

But what if we could zoom out for a moment and look at the pain from a higher perspective?

What if you came into this family because your soul chose it? To grow and to wake up to who you really are.

What if the “scapegoats” aren’t weak or broken at all, but the ones carrying the light? The ones blamed for the unspoken shame and secrets—just like Jesus was?

And what if one day, you could look back and say:

“Thank you. You pushed me to rise. And now, I let you go—with love.”

Does that sound too far-fetched? I used to think so, too.

The Red Flags We Ignore

Of course, looking back, you’ll recognise there were red flags, but at the time, we don’t want to see them. Even though deep down, your intuition knows something’s off.
In toxic families, it’s not unusual for the most entitled ones to benefit while the ones already traumatised get dumped on. But over time, you learn something very profound.

Family doesn’t have to mean blood

It’s just a word. What matters is the meaning we attach to it. If you have any connection to God, a higher power, or even just a belief in love itself, you’ll know this truth lies deep within you.

Love would never ask you to betray yourself.
Love doesn’t hand you someone else’s shame and guilt and say, “Wear this for me.”
True love doesn’t work that way.

Real Family is Alignment

So, family is more about alignment. It’s the people who respect your values, who see you and meet you with honesty and care. That’s what makes someone family.

In the beginning of my journey I was often drawn to people with similar trauma, thinking they’d get me. And they did. But unhealed wounds on both sides can make it nearly impossible to build healthy relationships.

Healing Starts Within

Healing starts with us. It starts with learning how to have real conversations, ones where we’re actively listening and understanding each other’s perspectives, even when it’s uncomfortable.

Time in solitude helps with that. In stillness, we finally have the space to meet ourselves without all the noise. We can reflect, not react. And in that space, we start to see the beauty inside the pain. Slowly, piece by piece, we begin to come together.

Pain, rejection, and isolation can become our teachers.

You’re not alone in this.
You never were.
And you were never meant to carry shame.
That was not your cross to bear.

Your soul chose a dysfunctional family to evolve for its higher purpose.

In Kabbalah, pain is never wasted because it is understood as a necessary and purposeful part of spiritual growth and transformation. Pain serves as a tool for Tikkun — the soul’s correction and growth. It breaks down ego, reveals hidden divine sparks, and helps transform darkness into light. Pain may stem from this life or from your past incarnations, but it always carries purpose, guiding the soul toward greater alignment with the Divine. Even suffering is seen as part of the balance between judgment (Gevurah) and mercy (Chesed), ultimately leading you to deeper spiritual awareness and connection. Through enduring and elevating pain, the soul can fulfill its higher mission.