“There is nothing more important to true growth than realising that you are not the voice of the mind—you are the one who hears it.”
— Michael A. Singer, The Untethered Soul

That Ongoing Inner Dialogue

Are you someone who always finds themselves lost in thought?

Have you noticed that inner dialogue going on in your head—one part of your mind insists, “You've gotta do this,” while another whispers, “Oh, just quit and take it easy”? It’s like one side of you wants the challenge and the outcome, while the other wants to take the easy route to comfort.

Michael A. Singer explores this same phenomenon in The Surrender Experiment, showing how stepping away from your internal chatter can lead to profound insight into yourself.

That question led him to ask:
Who is the observer behind all this chatter?
Who is the seer watching our internal debates?

It seems to be our higher self—the part of us that’s simply aware, just watching the thoughts pass by.

We've Been Wired for the Easy Option

Self-mastery begins with noticing your inner noise.

We’ve been conditioned to look outward for answers and happiness, constantly chasing fleeting pleasures and comfort. But does that really bring us anything lasting?

These days, pleasure-seeking is everywhere—plastered across social media in short hits and brief thrills. Even drinking alcohol is celebrated like it’s a badge of honour. But these momentary pleasures distract us. They keep us from becoming who we’re truly capable of being.

The Truth About Real Happiness

Everyone can grow to become more. But we live in a world obsessed with quick dopamine hits and easy ways to escape doing hard stuff.

The truth is: happiness actually comes from doing hard things.

Research shows that facing challenges builds resilience and brings a deeper, more lasting sense of fulfilment—a far cry from the quick satisfaction we get from scrolling or distraction.

"For the world offers only a craving for physical pleasure, a craving for everything we see, and pride in our achievements and possessions. These are not from the Father, but are from this world."
— 1 John 2:16 (NLT)

Real happiness doesn’t come from chasing fleeting highs.
It often comes from the difficult things that refine and strengthen us.

Every small daily choice that stretches you is a choice to lean into discomfort instead of ease— that's where the magic is, and eventually that initial discomfort becomes ease.
It might not feel like it initially in the moment, but it is the stuff that eventually shapes you.

My Own Experience: Growth Through Challenge

Through my own experience, I’ve found greater happiness by walking away from really tough, toxic environments that were no longer aligned with who was, even though that meant going through grief and heartache. When I set the goal to become a kickboxing black belt, it wasn’t always easy. I had to push through the hard punches, the injuries, the moments I thought about quitting due to injury, and the discipline it demanded each week.

But reaching the end goal didn’t make me happy in itself.

What I loved more upon reflection was who I became along the way and the things I learned about myself.

That’s why I’m always sceptical when people talk about “creating their dream life”—as if happiness is some final destination you reach once everything’s perfect. It’s not.
It’s shaped in the struggle and built in the becoming.

Chasing Happiness Can Backfire

Success and happiness aren’t far-off places.
They’re built daily, in small, meaningful decisions that shape who you are.

The more we chase happiness, the more it slips away. It’s not found at the end of some goal; it’s found in the process and in the challenge itself.

Weirdly, the more pressure we put on ourselves to feel happy, especially around moments that are “meant” to be joyful, like birthdays or holidays, the more likely we are to end up feeling disappointed.

Why?

Because we sometimes attach unrealistic expectations to those moments.
And when they don’t deliver, it feels like something’s gone wrong with us.

But true happiness often appears when we stop obsessing over it and start living moment by moment, and meaningfully.
It’s the by-product of presence, which is not a target you can chase.

Shift the Pattern: Do Something That Pushes You

So next time you tune into your mental conversation, make a conscious effort to interrupt it.
Go do something that nudges you into growth.

Final Thought

You might find yourself slowly breaking free from old patterns and stepping into something a lot more fulfilling.

“Happiness is like a butterfly; the more you chase it, the more it will elude you. But if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder.”— Henry David Thoreau

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