Aug 26, 2022.
It was around 11 am; I was waiting for a follow-up at the doctor’s office, hoping to return to my usual hectic routine.
After examining me, she ordered some tests. With a huge sigh, I agreed to finish it on the same day so that I could save some time!
I got my scan reports and was back in the waiting hall to see the doctor! I did what anyone else in this internet age would do. I typed my report results into google.
Spoiler Alert: This article is about what happened in the following several hours.
On top of the unwanted harm I had already inflicted upon myself by looking for medical answers from a google search, I called my Sister: A person, who knows by heart, every symptom of every damn illness related to middle-aged women. No, she is not a doctor but a Software Engineer with enough data!
I am generally not a person who trusts Google’s assumptions or an Engineer’s reassurance about human biology. But the helpless me was caught in a rut between reality and what-ifs.
My thoughts were shaken by a nurse calling my name. She walked me into the doctor’s office. The doctor, who looked at my reports, shook her head sideways[like gesturing a big NO], underlined something in red and confirmed that it was something serious.
She ordered a few more tests, reminding me repeatedly that something was very wrong with me.
I put on a blank look, dismissing any fear trying to express itself on my face. At the same time, my hands involuntarily held a tight grip on the chair I was sitting on to prevent me from falling. The world around me was moving circularly, flipping me upside down slowly but surely, leaving a constant ringing noise in my ears.
I continued to walk into the lab, where they drew my blood for further tests. I remember sitting on the plastic chair and feeling like a plank.
Riding back home after the tests, I couldn’t help but wonder how my life was altered in a microsecond. Suddenly, I was at the receiving end of it all, hanging on to my beautiful life by a thin thread. Is this how everybody else who goes through health issues feels?
I came home and dropped onto my bed. The mid-afternoon dark room ambience complemented my mood.
The script of my life kept scrolling in front of my eyes, even when I closed them. The worst part of Fear lies in its ability to contain us, like fire, in no time. Crushing all our dreams and desires into ashes ruthlessly. This is so unfair! It was my “Never have I ever felt so dark” moment.
After enough cycles of frustration and disappointment, I paused the complicated feelings inside me. I switched on the light in the room and my soul and started typing on my phone:
“Fear is meaningless. It creates unwanted connections between everything around us, leaving us scared and hopeless. Courage is a much simpler choice: To know that you will be ok, no matter what! Courage gives strength. Courage grants hope. Courage is YOU!”
It felt so good to get my sanity back finally. I was prepared to face my results! I even laughed momentarily at all the drama my mind had caused for those few hours.
The following day, I went to see the doctor. She checked my results along with other reports. She asked me to come back the next month to redo all tests! She realised her prescription from the week before might be the culprit of my abnormal scan reports.
I was shocked she told me all of that with zero resentments. On top of wasting my money, time and blood, she appeared unapologetic for what she had made me go through in the last several hours. I was just another misdiagnosis in her medical history. I walked out of that place in disbelief and was determined never to go again!
On top of the relief I had, knowing my reports were a joke, I realised the profound beauty of my life. This misdiagnosis was a call to action for my life’s top priorities, which I had been pushing away for lack of time and energy.
This was my moment of caution about how things could go wrong in a split second. Only when my life was at stake did I understand that my biggest problems were nothing compared to life itself.
To be able to breathe is by far the best blessing. The second best is the ability to realise the gift of life!
My wish for you today is to seize this moment wherever you are and do what you have postponed until tomorrow, the next week or the following year. Right NOW!
This article has been provided with the kind permission of the author, Tamil. You can reach out to her via the links below.